


Oh, Captain

by southerndrawlinmypants



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Flirting, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pirates, Seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 09:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19196311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southerndrawlinmypants/pseuds/southerndrawlinmypants
Summary: “I-I demand to see your captain!” Aziraphale shouted, wagging his finger. “Yes! Even you pirates have your rules! Perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement?”Aziraphale looked around questioningly, trying to figure out who amongst the dirty laughing men looked the most senior. Eventually there was a rumbling among the men and they parted to let a tall thin man through. Aziraphale straightened himself to appear more dignified. The man had a certain, familiar swagger. As he stepped closer Aziraphale’s anger bubbled out his ears and he rolled his eyes.“Crowley!” Aziraphale gritted through his teeth. “What are you playing at?”





	Oh, Captain

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to my shameless pirate seduction fic. I hope you enjoy your pornography. Unless you're Gabriel. You can go mind your own business.

“This is your last chance to leave here unharmed! Have at you!”

Aziraphale blocked the incoming sword with his own and pushed the man backwards. He toppled back rather comically and unfortunately for him was ran through rather forcefully by one of Aziraphale’s officers. Aziraphale straightened his shirttails and sighed woefully. Trust him to get into bother when trying to do something nice. Captain Frank, a dear fellow doing wonders in his naval role and protecting the English harbours from pirates, had suddenly become bedridden due to illness. Naturally, Aziraphale had offered to oversee his friend’s battalion until the man got back onto his feet (and believe me he would, as long as the heavens turned a blind eye). However, as sickness was a part of the human condition, Aziraphale had decided to play Captain until a suitable time had passed for him to make a miraculous recovery. He was beginning to regret his moment of weakness. These pirates were a good deal more aggressive than he had thought. 

Another pirate rounded the corner towards him, a bulking fellow with a massive sword and, to Aziraphale’s dismay, a completely ruined French naval jacket covered in grime that had most likely been taken as a souvenir from some unfortunate soul. Knowing that he was outmatched in this body, Aziraphale did the only thing he could do and ran for reinforcements. Sweat pouring from him and feet starting to ache, he ran from the giant to the other end of the ship where his crew had managed to contain most of the fighting. Well. Up until now. When he got there Aziraphale was dismayed to find that what remained of his crew were backed against the wall with their arms up, swords discarded with the looks of defeat on their faces plain to see. Aziraphale stopped in his tracks when the gaggle of pirates, who had been celebrating their success, turned towards him.

“Now that’s quite enough!” Aziraphale raised his hands and backed away slowly. 

They stepped forward. Aziraphale felt his mouth go dry. Oh bugger, he thought. I’ve made a real mess of things. He stumbled over a leg. He gulped. Poor fellow. Must send flowers to the widows. 

“I-I demand to see your captain!” Aziraphale shouted, wagging his finger. “Yes! Even you pirates have your rules! Perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement?”

Aziraphale looked around questioningly, trying to figure out who amongst the dirty laughing men looked the most senior. Eventually there was a rumbling among the men and they parted to let a tall thin man through. Aziraphale straightened himself to appear more dignified. The man had a certain, familiar swagger. As he stepped closer Aziraphale’s anger bubbled out his ears and he rolled his eyes.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale gritted through his teeth. “What are you playing at?”

Crowley smiled broadly, hands on his hips to show off an array of shiny weaponry. Beside a delicate dagger was a rather impressive pistol, French, Aziraphale hazarded a guess. Despite the other pirates dishevelled appearance Crowley had kept himself clean shaven and well groomed. At least the man had some sense. His long red hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Unusually, he had opted to leave his yellow eyes exposed. Perhaps they worked to his advantage as an intimidating pirate captain.

“That’s Captain Blackheart to you, Captain Fell! To what do I owe the pleasure of our meeting?” 

Crowley drew his dagger and waved it around carelessly. Aziraphale let out an indignant huff.

“Honestly – you – you boarded me! Explain yourself! Stop this at once!”

The pirates began to laugh. Crowley’s wide smile began to infuriate him more and more. Aziraphale met the eyes of a few of his shipmates. 

“Does he know him…?” He caught one of them whispering.

Aziraphale’s face flushed. This needed to end now. He cleared his throat. 

“Perhaps we can talk this over in the Captain’s quarters.” Aziraphale suggested. “Might I tempt you to a whiskey? There is no need for anyone else to get hurt, I can assure you.”

Crowley flashed him a wicked smile and walked towards him.

“Oh tempt me you shall, Mr Fell!” He turned to his crew. “Alright stand down lads, but keep your eye on them. Slippery lot. Keep your blades to yourself if you can help it.” 

Crowley bowed to Aziraphale mockingly at the top of the stairs.

“After you, I insist.”

Aziraphale mumbled to himself and led Crowley down to the Captain’s quarters. As soon as they were alone Aziraphale slammed the door and turned to his long term friend (Enemy? Acquaintance? Professional botherer?) with an indignant expression.

“What in heaven’s name do you think you’re playing at? Pirate Captain? Are you mad? I hope you have something to say for yourself, playing games like this.”

“Work, what else? The life of a pirate on the open sea was just too tempting of a job. Just having a little bit of fun angel.” Crowley replied with a wink.

He took a seat on Aziraphale’s desk, crumpling a map and several ship manifestos. He crossed his arms, and looked around.

“Nice ship you’ve got, the crew will be very happy with this recent acquisition.”

Aziraphale felt himself fill with anger at Crowley, which was quickly followed by shame at allowing himself to be so easily riled.

“I think the sea air has infected your brain, dear boy.” Aziraphale sighed.

“Probably.” Mused Crowley.

He picked up a miniature ship from the desk, inspecting it closely. Aziraphale delicately took it from him and placed it on a high shelf.

“It’s not for playing with.” Aziraphale explained.

“Then what is?”

Aziraphale’s neck flushed with heat.

“Oh,” Aziraphale stammered as Crowley smirked devilishly. “That’s quite enough of that.”

Crowley pled ignorance. He sauntered towards him, hands clasped behind his back.

“Enough of what?”

Crowley slowly circled him, making a point of looking him up and down to admire his pristine uniform.

“Enough of –“Aziraphale struggled to say the word as he felt Crowley’s piercing eyes blaze a trail down his chest. “– flirting. I told you 50 years ago it wasn’t appropriate.”

Crowley raised an eyebrow and placed a finger on Aziraphale’s chest, a smile slowly growing on his lips. 

“As I recall…you said that flirting on your part was inappropriate. I on the other hand, according to you, would be expected to flirt. To tempt…”

Aziraphale stumbled as Crowley drew closer, now backed into the wall of the cabin. He felt a lump rise in his throat, his hands tingling with excitement.

“Yes I do recall that conversation.”

“Good. Do you recall what you told me after?”

Aziraphale turned his head to the side, his cheeks flushed. That was all the answer Crowley needed.

“You said – and I’m paraphrasing here- that you’d quite like to see it in action someday. To feel what it was like to be tempted and seduced by a demon.”

“I must have been terribly drunk.”

“We both were. When we sobered up you were out like a shot. Took me forever to find you.”

Aziraphale straightened himself at that. Horrified.

“You came all this way just to seduce me? People have died Crowley!”

Crowley had the decency to look embarrassed.

“Yes. Ah. That’s what it looks like doesn’t it? Yes it looks bad but trust me they’re fine. They’re fine.”

Aziraphale let out a breath of relief. Thank the heavens. He narrowed his eyes.

“You still came all this way to seduce me.”

“Yes.”

“All because of a drunken conversation 50 years ago? Really, dear boy.”

“Yes!”

When Aziraphale rolled his eyes, Crowley took a step back and looked sheepish.

“If…that’s alright with you.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. Oh gosh, this is really happening he thought. He wet his lips and met the eyes of the demon he had come to call a friend, even if he was a nuisance at times. His mind went back to that drunken night, when he had expressed those curiosities in hushed whispers to the man next to him. The intrigued expression of Crowley then had scared and thrilled him. Aziraphale had a complicated relationship with temptation and desire. Most of the time he could justify anything as long he could say it was for the greater good or for understanding humanity. At that moment he had imagined what it would be like to press his body flush against the demon, to feel the heat of hell between those lips. His heart had beat so fast in his chest he feared it would burst through and abandon him. Aziraphale felt a little embarrassed as he recalled how he had sobered up and practically ran out the door. 

His heart now again beating faster than what was comfortable, Aziraphale met Crowley’s gaze, and understood. Crowley knew he would never make the first move, no matter how badly he wished to.

“You may.”

“What?”

“I said you may! On one condition.”

Crowley motioned for him to continue. 

“If you fail in your seduction, you and your pirate chums leave and return everything you have stolen. If you succeed – we’ll give the ship to you and we’ll leave on the lifeboats.”  
Crowley pretended to consider. He snaked forward and pressed himself against his prey. He slid one leg between Aziraphale’s own and brought his face closer, their noses almost touching. Aziraphale closed his eyes, the sensation too much for him.

“Oh, trust me.” Crowley whispered, his hot breath ghosting over Aziraphale’s lips. “You’ll all be rowing to the nearest port very soon, Captain Fell.”

With his eyes still tightly shut, Aziraphale felt himself buzz with anticipation despite himself. A warm hand lightly grasped his and traced along his middle finger with his fingertip. Aziraphale shuddered as the hand lightly traced along the back of his hand and up his arm, his own hot flush following wherever it went. Aziraphale dared himself to open his eyes, just a bit. Crowley’s eyes were half lidded, his mouth slightly agape. Aziraphale watched him as his hand graced along his shoulder and down his chest, pulling at the ornate buttons of his coat. Noticing that he was being watched, Crowley smirked as he carefully undone each of Aziraphale’s coat buttons and the buttons of the shirt underneath. Crowley grasped Aziraphale’s hips and pushed their bodies together. 

“Didn’t want to ruin your lovely ensemble.” He whispered in his ear.

Aziraphale flustered, a small noise escaping him.

“H-How considerate.”

Crowley placed a dry, light kiss to the nape of his neck. Aziraphale’s heart fluttered.

He placed another kiss. “I care about what you think of me.”

“Oh, Crowley you really can be so sweet-“

Aziraphale choked as he felt a wet tongue on his neck, followed by a light grazing of teeth. He moaned and thrusted forward into Crowley on instinct. Their hard groins rolled together, sweet satisfaction falling from Crowley’s lips as he nipped and ran his tongue along the nape of Aziraphale’s neck.

“Enjoying yourself, are you angel?”

“Oh, damn you to hell.”

“Been there. Done that. Seducing the angel to prove it.”

Aziraphale quivered as Crowley rubbed circles into his hips with his thumbs. He had never felt so electric, so close to losing himself. 

“If you want me to stop, just tell me.” Crowley placed a gentle kiss just to the side of Aziraphale’s lips. “We’ll shake hands, have a few drinks, and send you away to sing sea chanties on your row boat.”

Aziraphale felt a small smile tug at his lips. He felt the blood rush to his ears, his hands tingling to get a grip on the demon before him.

“Crowley, I…” 

There was a long pause before Aziraphale spoke again, his pupils wide.

“Oh, fuck it.”

Before Crowley’s lips could form a question, Aziraphale grabbed the front of Crowley’s shirt and threw him against the wall and kissed him hard. It was clumsy, with too much teeth and tongue, the obsceneness of their wet kissing causing Aziraphale to blush with shame even as he forcefully threw off Crowley’s coat and shirt so as to get a better feel of his warm eager body. Aziraphale pulled his face away, Crowley’s mouth following until Aziraphale placed a finger to his lips. The rise and fall of Crowley’s chest and the outline of his erection straining against his trousers almost made him lose composure.

“You and your crew will leave this ship, and you will apologise for all the trouble you have caused.”

Crowley laughed, pointing at their flushed bodies.

“I have clearly won, angel. A sore loser are we?”

Aziraphale wore a serious expression. Crowley’s laughter faltered.

“Oh no you haven’t, my dear. For I… -“Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s erection and squeezed. “…am seducing you.”

With a flick of his wrist, Aziraphale miracle the demon’s trousers down to his knees. Mesmerised by the change of pace, Crowley gasped and shuddered as Aziraphale’s thick fingers skilfully aroused him into a state. Using the angel for balance Crowley tucked his head into the crook of his neck to stifle his moans. Aziraphale allowed himself to carefully rest his head against his also, taking in the light floral smell of his hair. He breathed deeply, allowing himself a small moment of self-indulgence. Crowley jerked forward as he came from Aziraphale’s hand. Coming back to himself, Aziraphale politely pushed Crowley back onto his feet and returned his clothes to him. Crowley gestured to Aziraphale’s clearly still hard erection.

“Don’t you-“

“No, I…better not.”

Crowley made no effort to hide his disappointment, but did not push him on the matter. 

“I understand.”

Crowley walked over to the liquor cabinet in the corner, and poured them both a class of whiskey. 

“You won angel. Congratulations.”

Aziraphale gave him a soft smile as they clinked their glasses together. Their eyes met, an understanding forming.  
Crowley finished his drink and placed the empty glass on the desk.

“Until next time, then.”

“Yes.” Aziraphale lowered his gaze, looking fondly into his glass. “I look forward to it.”


End file.
